I don’t like doctors to lie to me and this ball-less anesthesiologist lied. Last Tuesday I had a third injection in my back. I was told I wasn’t given Propofol the last time. Then he said my insurance wouldn’t pay for it. That injection hurt like hell I would have remembered that pain. I moaned, groaned and tears fell. My orthopedic doctor confirmed that I had an anesthetic last time. The anesthesiologist was scared to put me under because my breathing levels didn’t go pass the high 80′s. Big deal! They could have given me oxygen and call it a day. Why didn’t the anesthesiologist just say he was scared to put me under?
I think it will be my last. The first two times I felt good I can even dare say I was pain-free for a few weeks. But this time there was pain which I am severely allergic to.
I spent this weekend in bed watching movies. I had my usual lupus headaches that were accompanied by dizziness and my legs felt wobbly, a strange sensation. I got up to cook the meat for Sunday dinner which was finished by 10 a.m. Then I went back to bed.
I’m disappointed that I actually felt sick enough to lie in bed for two days. I even consider using oxygen. I know this lupus is an unpredictable disease. It’s messing with my psyche. That depression demon tried to pull me in. You know to feel sorry for Kim and cry the woe is me song. But I ain’t going there.
One of the movies I watched this weekend was “What Dreams May” With Robin Williams, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Annabella Scoirra The protagonist goes to hell to save his wife’s soul, a uniquely sweet love story.
It brings up the idea of reincarnation. I believe. I want to believe that it is possible to get a do over in life, to be reborn and live another life. You find the same people to share your life with over and over. With each life, things get better and we eventually find true happiness. This is a wonderful thought but for now I need to go back to bed and try to shake whatever it is that has me feeling out of sorts.