Smell the Sh—-, I mean roses.

No man is born with an evil nature.
Temptation that leads to sin poisons his soul,
which slowly devours him by each passing day.
The man is then torn apart,
his goodness battling with the poison.
What remains is his decision,
to battle the poison… or slowly let himself be completely taken by it.
Torn by: Liquid Skin

Written  May 9. 2008.  Sadly it’s still relevant today.

A few weeks ago an eleven-year-old child was found hanging in her bedroom closet. Could you imagine a mother calling her child to dinner and after several attempts with no response she goes to check on her? Could you imagine the horror this mother must have felt finding her baby dead? A successful suicide. This mothers’ child, that emerged from her loins, through pain, sweat and blood. Her precious little baby, who she vowed to care for, love and protect, is dead. What guilt she must be enduring, the torture, and possible losing her own will to live.

I’m going to call the little girl Mary. What I heard was that a year ago Mary had an accident and broke her hip. She was out of school for almost a year. When she returned to school she was on crutches, and was disabled by child standards. The children in the school started teasing her, picking on her. I heard her mother on the radio say that, the kids in school had cut Mary’s braids, and done other things. Her mother went to the school and complained and was told that kids would be kids. Nothing was done, the kids weren’t reprimanded and Mary was not transferred to another school.

It is a horror that a little girl, who only lived for eleven years on this earth, felt that life was so hopeless that she rather be dead. I’ve heard a little boy about five years old say he wanted to go to heaven. Religion is fine and good. It’s nice that there is hope for a better life then there is this earth. But God gave us this gift of life; it is the ultimate disrespect to reject His gift with suicide. Don’t you think? When teaching children about heaven and earth, be careful. For a five-year-old child to say he wants to go to heaven and for an eleven-year-old child to take her own life, someone is painting heaven like a tourist attraction. I haven’t met anyone to come back to life and confirm the existence, and perfect world of heaven.

To live we must live each day as our last. You never know the fate of tomorrow. You may be hungry, homeless and cold today. If you give up, you may miss a future blessing. When life tries to knock me down, I stand strong. Like a story, good or bad I want to keep turning the pages to see how it ends. It’s been several decades since I was eleven, and there were times that I thought of taking a nice sedated trip into the great unknown. Curiosity kept me here.

My question is, was the torment from a bunch of untrained seven grade children so unbearable? Was it more to it? I’m from the flower child, free love era. We had the KKK, civil rights movement, Vietnam, drugs, gangs. Sometimes the wrong people got caught up in the wrong shit and shit happens. But it was a time when gas was 53 cents a gallon, 20 cents for a subway ride, and a pack of cigarettes cost 40 cents and could smoke anywhere you wanted. Some families didn’t have telephones or TV’s. Computers and trips to outer space were Sci-Fi imagination. We use to love to go outside and play ball, ring-a-levy, hide and seek, ride bikes. Or just hangout under a nice shaded tree with a group of friends.

I hear that little kids take drugs, for their nerves, because they are stressed out. I couldn’t understand why they are so stressed. So I started thinking about it, gas is close to five dollars a gallon, cigarettes almost ten dollars a pack, a gallon of milk five dollars. Not to mention what the cost of clothes is, even non-designer gear are overpriced, wash and wear a few times then throw them out. It takes more than two incomes to keep a household going. Mom and dad are stressed out, popping Zoloft, Prozac or whatever designer pill is in fashion, washed down with a liter of scotch. Where’s the communication with the kids. Cussing them out for not taking out the garbage, for talking too loud or blasting the rap music you don’t want to hear and don’t care what they are raping to your kids. Do you communicate with your children? Do you know what they are thinking? Off to daycare early in the morning, and the after school program in the evening. Fast food junkies, while killing, raping, drugs, gangs and guns baby sit the kids on any of the two hundred cable channels, rented movies, websites, and for good measure let’s throw in some video games for exercise. Update 2012~they can watch all the movies they want on their ipads and iphones.

Don’t have time to take the kids to the park, but you find time for the gym. Yea the streets are dangerous, there are more guns on the streets of New York then there are in Iraq. Kids are being killed because they wore the wrong color, stepped on someone shoe. Hell they don’t even have to do anything, they could just be on their way to school or sitting on their bed and get shot. Another update2012~or coming back from the store with a bag of skittles and an Arizona Ice Tea. You got hate groups, who hate because the other person is different. There are the trigger happy, scared cops who shot fifty bullets in a groom, because they’re scared of who they don’t know. Update again 2012~ this week the cops who murder Sean Bell were “fired”, with full pensions. And that’s okay, they aint going to do no time for it. So lets’ get Al and march like King did in the 60’s, go to jail for civil disobedience. That’ll show them. Updated some more 2012~ we may have a black man in the white house. But that don’t mean he’s above racism. It is alive and well in congress. Listen to the G.O.P.

Why not march on the tears of mothers whose sons and daughters are the victims of the black on black crime. Black folks blasted Bill Cosby, when he told black folks about themselves. Black folks got to clean their own house before anyone else is going to respect them. Can’t criticize the KKK or the White Supremacy groups, when we kill more of our own then they do. Slavery, Jim Crow is a dead subject. This is a new world, where dumb niggers are being left behind.

Black folk’s ain’t the only ones with skid marks in their draws. In rural white communities when nice white kids are unhappy they get a gun and shoot up the campus, or make bombs and broadcast it over the internet. Then commit suicide for their fifteen minutes of fame. They do drugs. They rape women and grow up to be pedophiles, serial killers, psychopaths.

What does this have to do with an eleven-year-old who commits suicide? I asked, was the torment from a bunch of untrained seventh grade children so unbearable? Was it more to it? Why are young kids so stressed out? Do you think we are hurting our kids? Can we just stop for a minute and smell the roses? If they make you sneeze then smell the shit and start cleaning it up in your little corner of the world and maybe we can all smell some herbal tea instead of caffeine-laced coffee.

Update 2012~None of us are immune to violence. None of us are immune to racism. We are one world and one people.  Lets cut our wrist and vow to be kin

May God’s love save us.

Dear parents of Trayvon Martin,

As a white mother of a white son, I do not pretend to know what you must be going through right now. I respect and honor our differences. My neighbors and I have taken these pictures because we want you to know that you are not alone. We have all wept for your son. We dress our children in hoodies because we want them to grow up to share the burden we feel. We want them to know that if a child or a group of children are not safe in this world then we are all responsible. We want them to know that today, at this moment, we are all Trayvon.

May God bless you and bring you comfort.

4 thoughts on “Smell the Sh—-, I mean roses.

  1. Having faced the issue of children being suicidal about four times, and being lucky every single time… so far… I can deeply appreciate this post. I know it is old, but it speaks to fundamental truths that do not change over time. Depression and sadness are overwhelming enough by themselves without adding bullying or abuse or looking the other way when we should be standing up against those those things. Thank you for the heart-felt post.

    1. It was an ugly story. Like you say it is still relevant today. My son is bipolar and I also had yo endure his suicide attemps twice. His demons haunt him in other ways that cause me a lot of pain. So much so I feel like I failed him as a mother. He’s almost 40 years old and I still hope. Thank you for reading.

  2. Great post. We’ve given up on training our youth compassion and defending those less able to defend themselves. The “gotcha” world of adults and politics has streamed down to our youth, who believe they gain strength and stature by abusing, bullying and belittling those unable to strike back.

    There has to be a change but it is easy these days to become increasingly discouraged by these painfully sorrowful events.

    Thanks for writing.

    1. I wrote this post in 2008 and 4 years later not much has changed. It’s sad. i have 3 grandchildren, I look at their innocence today and weep for their tomorrows. Thanks for reading.

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