Friday Fictioneer ~ The Jojo Mobile

Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff -Fields at Addicted to Purple for hosting another week of the Addicting Friday Fictioneer. It is a where a bunch of us ink junkies use our talents to create a 100 word story using a photo prompt. Below is the photo and my story this week. Come try it out.

ff 312013
This week’s prompt comes from Beth Carter who took a first prize with it at the Ozarks Writers League photo contest in February. Congratulations, Beth!
I had lots of fun with this photo. As always I kept my G rated story at exactly 100 words. Critiques are always welcomed.

The Jojo Mobile

Jojo started tinkering in the garage, building his Jojo Mobile, when gas prices were rising. He hardly ate or showered for weeks. Ronnie, Ray and Steve found parts at the junkyard. Β Β He was so proud I had to hold back laughing. It reminded me of those elaborate go cars they use to race down the hill off Clarke Street back in the day.

He had everything in that car, but something was missing. As he started down the hill, in his new car he remembered what he forgot. Too Late.

The Eighteen Wheeler rolled over Jojo like a speed bump.

104 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneer ~ The Jojo Mobile

  1. Ouch! I was thinking it was missing an engine but I was wrong. Fun story and thank you for the morning laugh (at poor Jo Jo’s expense)!

  2. I can think of at least three things he could have forgotten. I’m going to guess brakes and then a horn as a close second. Either way it was a great story with a lot of feeling going into Jojo making this car. What a sad and graphic ending.

  3. I like the twist, but I think it would work better if the last sentence were more outrageous. “Ran over like a speed bump” to me sounds tragic and works against the light-hearted tone of the piece. That said, I don’t have a substitute for you. Just a thought …

  4. aww, poor guy with the best intentions. in these lines: “He had everything in that car but something was missing. As he started down the hill in his new car he remembered what he forgot.” you might want commas after “that car” and “down the hill.” well done.

  5. If he didn’t eat for weeks he would’ve been dead long before the eighteen-wheeler flattened him πŸ˜› That really jumped out at me, not eating for weeks. Seems implausible… πŸ™‚ Maybe you could change it to “days at a time”, or “three days straight” or something like that. Just a suggestion. You don’t have to take it of course. πŸ™‚

  6. It had to be an eighteen-wheeler? Not a motorcycle–or better still, a Vespa or a motorbike or a simple pedal-powered bicycle? Poor Jojo–definitely Pancake City after that collision. Good story.

      1. Maybe the funeral director took what was left of the body to a car wash and hosed it down. Either way, I’m sure a closed casket service was the best option.

  7. Still chucking. Next to an engine, brakes are probably the next most important thing. (I think you need “were” after “prices’–“when gas prices rising” or you could put “With gas prices rising, Jojo…” to start.

    janet

Comments are closed.