The Clock of Time

Dedicated to Tammy

 

 

“Lord, please teach me how to keep my mouth shut so the wrong things stop falling out”
~ K. Wilhelmina Floria

 

 

Time has its own clock. A second can take a minute to pass and hour could be only a minute. A year could last eternity. Then suddenly you wake up and fifty years have passed and it felt like only a few.
The film rewinds and pictures of the time gone plays through our minds. We see the joys that made us smile and laugh. The sorrows of the fate life had led us through.

 
Then there were the circumstances we wished we had done different. The moments we let slip by because we thought time was on our side. Not realizing that time ticks at its own rhythm. We chew on the words we wish I hadn’t said and swallow emotions of remorse.

 
We transcend into a world of blame that was fueled by regret. We found the fault in everyone but the one who blundered. That one is the one who looks back at us. If in the present we could see the past to erase the careless words, the thoughtless deeds.

 
I choose my path through life. I internalized my hurts and allowed the pains to fester until the infection amputated my self-esteem. The agony filled me with rage that shyly hid behind my smiles.

 
No more will I blame the signs I ignored as I ventured through life. No more will I seek anyone’s love, approval or acceptance. I am sorry to those I hurt. I pray for strengthen, I pray for forgiveness and ask to be excused for all the blunders I made through my spoken and written words. I am proud of every success that grows in my garden and in my neighbor’s. My heart is pure. I wish no one any harm. I am a human with human faults. So if I live the rest of my days alone I will be thankful for each gift of breath I take and satisfied to visit the joyful memories and lay to rest the sorrows of my life.

Subscribe to RSS headline updates from:
Powered by FeedBurner

15 thoughts on “The Clock of Time

  1. ‘I choose my path through life. I internalized my hurts and allowed the pains to fester until the infection amputated my self-esteem. The agony filled me with rage that shyly hid behind my smiles.’

    Powerful line, Kim. Your post teared me up. I too have been a victim in so many ways and mostly I am too shy to pour out my feelings like you have. There is a lot to be purged from my heart, Kim. Perhaps, that will give me the healing I need so. Thank you for this post. 🙂

    1. I’ve been writing my feelings since I was a little girl. I internalize everything. Why? Because I don’t want to hurt anyone else feelings. And it does it purges me for the time.

  2. Beautiful post! Powerful metaphor: “I choose my path through life. I internalized my hurts and allowed the pains to fester until the infection amputated my self-esteem. ”

    Don’t let them fester. Allow them to make you stronger and more attentive, which is obviously the direction of this passage.

    Be Well!
    SomerEmpress

  3. As we get older, we reflect on things that we did or did no do. At the time of those decisions it seemed like a smart thing to do. We can only hope that we learn. The past is the past, you have to move on. As always we make promises to do better sometimes we fall short. In our self incriminations we fail to remember in all those times the people we have helped, don’t be so hard on yourself.

  4. From this day and forward you have made a beautiful oath to yourself. One thing I have learned is that you can not go backwards; there is today and hopefully tomorrow. Those things that can be fixed – fix them. Those that can not be fixed, don’t feel guilty about as you can do nothing. This day and forward is what counts.
    Without lecturing (:) ) there does come a time when a soul becomes gentle and understanding and softer and usually it comes with not only maturity but by experiencing/acknowledging the shitty side of life.
    Your rage can be put to bed as you embrace goodness and pass it on.

    1. Thank you for your wisdom and understanding. My rage does take naps and it takes longer and longer naps. But every now and then it wakes up screaming. This is actually an apology to a dear friend that is family we’ve known each other all her life since I’m several years older.

Comments are closed.