Dedicated to Tammy
“Lord, please teach me how to keep my mouth shut so the wrong things stop falling out”
~ K. Wilhelmina Floria
Time has its own clock. A second can take a minute to pass and hour could be only a minute. A year could last eternity. Then suddenly you wake up and fifty years have passed and it felt like only a few.
The film rewinds and pictures of the time gone plays through our minds. We see the joys that made us smile and laugh. The sorrows of the fate life had led us through.
Then there were the circumstances we wished we had done different. The moments we let slip by because we thought time was on our side. Not realizing that time ticks at its own rhythm. We chew on the words we wish I hadn’t said and swallow emotions of remorse.
We transcend into a world of blame that was fueled by regret. We found the fault in everyone but the one who blundered. That one is the one who looks back at us. If in the present we could see the past to erase the careless words, the thoughtless deeds.
I choose my path through life. I internalized my hurts and allowed the pains to fester until the infection amputated my self-esteem. The agony filled me with rage that shyly hid behind my smiles.
No more will I blame the signs I ignored as I ventured through life. No more will I seek anyone’s love, approval or acceptance. I am sorry to those I hurt. I pray for strengthen, I pray for forgiveness and ask to be excused for all the blunders I made through my spoken and written words. I am proud of every success that grows in my garden and in my neighbor’s. My heart is pure. I wish no one any harm. I am a human with human faults. So if I live the rest of my days alone I will be thankful for each gift of breath I take and satisfied to visit the joyful memories and lay to rest the sorrows of my life.