One More Day

Mary Julia Sinkler-Floria July 9, 1928 - April 30, 1993
Mary Julia Sinkler-Floria
July 9, 1928 – April 30, 1993

I didn’t realize the EMT* said, “Oh she DID have a bad heart.” The next words the EMT said were surreal. “You’re mother died.” I turned stood by my grandmother and screamed no. Then went into punish the wall in the kitchen.

I spoke to mom the night before and she said she was having heart burn and she assured me she was alright and I left it at that.
I had my brother’s old car that only went 30 miles an hour so I said I would check on her in the morning. In the morning I was running late so I went straight to work with all intentions of checking on mom at lunchtime.

Mom and I had gotten into the habit of talking every night. I would tell her what went on at work, what she did during the day and what we were cooking for dinner.

On the way to work that morning there was a car chase. The car that was trying to get away from the police was smoking but it kept on going. There were about five police cars trailing behind it. My first thought was, I have to remember to tell mom about this.

When I arrived at work I had to get letters out inviting my employees for an in-service. While I was at the postage machine the receptionist told me my mother’s neighbor was on the phone. That was weird, why would Rosy call me. Rosy told me I needed to get home. I got there as quickly as my little car could go.

Later my grandmother told me mom got up that morning and took the garbage out.

Why didn’t I stop on my way to work? Why didn’t I get up earlier? Would it have made a difference?

When I went through mom’s papers I found a note written to my brother, sister and me. Just a few words, “Everything is going to be okay. God Bless.”

Dear Mom,

There so much I wish I could tell you, so many things I need and want to ask. It’s just not fair that you had to leave me/us. You were much too young. There was so much living left for you to do.

I now know firsthand that you were in silently suffering from the lupus. I wish I understood this when you were alive. I wish you shared your pain with us.

I wish I could let you know mom, I understand what I didn’t, when you tried to tell me. To have one day more to tell you I’m sorry for all the hurt I gave you when I was growing up. For not being the person you wanted me to become. I’m sorry I fought you every step of the way. If only I could rewind our life. I would seek your years of wisdom, instead of debating with you. I wish I could tell you how much I love you and I wish more than anything I could hear you tell me the same.

I am thankful for the last few months we shared talking and getting to know each other. But as always my greed wishes I had more time with you. Somehow I know there would never be any amount of time that would be enough.

Mommy, I miss you so much. I find myself mentally and physically in a bad place so often. I feel alone and need your unconditional love, understating and forgiveness. I feel you watching over me and I hear your words whispering to me often. Especially when I feel weak and ready to give up it’s your memory that keeps me going.

I smile when I talk to my grandchildren and I sound like you or Gran. You both were strong woman and a great influence on me. I only hope to have half the impact on my children and grandchildren’s lives as you both had on me.

Forever in my heart.

*EMT – Emergency Medical Technician.

34 thoughts on “One More Day

  1. I was moved so deeply by your hurt and pain! There are no words that can i can express to you, but i feel you! My spirit is with you in prayer! No loss is ever good. I am reminded of my son Ian’s death, i remember his last smile, I went to bed that night and knew I would see it in the morning. I cherish that smile always, and when he passed I held him in my arms for over an hour at the hospital in a separate room. He was at peace, and god blessed me at that moment with a heavenly peace! You never get over them moments and many times I still cry, but I am happy too because he touched my life with his love! Your mom did that for you and shaped you into the person you are today! Hugs and blessings to you always!

    1. Thank you and I will offer my prayers for your continued strengthen. My sister lost a son to cancer and she tells how her husband was holding him when he died. Her husband called my sister into the room and when she stepped in the room and saw that her son had died she screamed. She says her son opened his eyes and she said the look he gave her said he was okay. When I think of her little boy I say we were all blessed to have that very strong boy in our lives. I truly believe we all have a purpose on this earth. And are blessed with angels like your son and my nephew. They come to teach us what is important in this world we live in.

  2. Hug from me. She will always be in your heart, and the memories will always be there to treasure. Love never dies. Thank you for sharing this!

  3. I wish things could be different sometimes & this is definitely something I wish could be different for you.
    May your beautiful mom continue to rest in peace. Love her sweet smile. Although – not here on earth – I can see by your post that she still lives within you. Love & Hugs to you dear Kim.

  4. This brought tears, Kim, as my Mom died a year ago…our stories aren’t the same, but I empathize and this post is a beautiful way of expressing how much you love and miss your Mom…thanks for sharing and hold onto those wonderful memories…hugs!

    1. I know Lauren. As you see one year – twenty the lost is always felt. It just gets less painful over time. Then some times it hits like a brick. I just can’t believe its been twenty years. 😦

  5. Hugs my simi- sister big hugs and a ton of love. The loss of our mothers is a loss of ourselves no matter the relationship or lack of. That heart cord of life that connected us once gone is like a deep bottomless well of emptiness. I am with you in thought and prayer my dear one.

  6. When I read these types of stories – I can only tell you to be thankful for the memories. I lost my mother before I could make any….
    May all of the nights stars shine brightly as wonderful memories for when ever you need them.

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