“What do you mean I must have cable to watch TV?” Mom asks outraged. “That’s a waste of money!”
“That’s the only way you can see TV now.” I tell her.
“Then I’ll just listen to the radio.”
“But mom there are so many things you can watch now.”
Later we go out to my car. “You left your car running. The battery is going to die.”
“No I just turned it on.” I tell her.
“From the house?”
I smile and nod my head. After we get in the car and the seat belts are snapped, I punch the destination in the GPS. I put the car in reverse and I look behind me. I start to back out when suddenly the car shakes a bit and stops.
“There’s something coming toward the car.”
Mom looks back through the rear window and shakes her head in disbelief as another car passes.
The GPS says, ‘turn right in point one mile.’
“The car is telling you how to go?”
“This would have been great all those times we traveled visiting out of state families back in the day. Boy we use to get lost.”
After a few twist and turns the GPS says, ‘You have reached your destination.’
We climb out the car, mom is trying to push the lock down. “Leave the lock mom. Just close the door I’ll lock it.”
Mom slams the door and puts her hands up. We walk across the parking lot and grab an empty shopping cart.
As we stroll through the aisle I pick up this and that. Mom’s eyes squint and her head shakes as she skims through the weekly circular and finally says, “These prices are ridicules almost six dollars for milk and this bread is almost three. They call this a sale. You and your family must be starving. Look at this chicken a dollar sixty-eight a pound.”
“A dollar sixty-eight a pound? That’s good, remind me to get some.”
Mom tilts her neck to the side, squint her eyes as her lips form a wide O.
The corners of my lips curl up as I put more items in my cart.
“I guess it’s not really true people are starving, seeing as everyone appears to be overweight.” Mom says as a grossly obese woman passes by talking on a cell phone. “I wonder what’s so important she can’t wait to get home to talk about.”
Michael Jackson started signing, “Man in the mirror, take a look….”
“Hello I say into my hands free device.”
“Hello, where’s that music coming from?”
“It’s my phone mom.”
“Your phone? Where?” Mom asks while looking me up and down.
I point to my ear. “Lord all these changes.”
I quickly disconnect my call and say, “Charles wants ice cream.”
“Hump, I guess having those wireless phones has its advantages.”
To save time I go to the self-serve check out.
“How’s that girl going to ring your stuff up from all the way over there?”
“I’m going to do it?”
“You?! They trust people like that?”
“No!” See the cameras and the prices are in the computer. I just scan them across this glass.”
“It is convenient, I’ll say that much.”
Once back at home mom sits in front of the TV and starts surfing. She happens upon one of the premium channels and screams, “Kim these people are naked on TV!”
“Its okay mom we pay for that channel.”
“You pay to see porn. What kind of lady are you?”
“No it’s just a movie.”
“It’s smut!” Mom says and clicks the channel again.
“Would you like some coffee or tea?”
I return in a few minutes and hand her a steaming cup of tea.
“That was quick. You must have had the water boiling.”
“No I put it in the microwave.”
“Micro what? Oh forget it I’m going to take a nap. Everything has gotten too strange for me.”
Of course this is fiction. I started by building on my mother’s disdain for cable TV. Before she died she refused to pay for TV. My mother died much too young. Had she lived she would have seen all the above mentioned become the norm. The voice that I used for mom is no way my mother’s real voice. Mom was easy-going and nothing surprised her, in fact she marveled at new inventions.
©Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria 5/15/14