There was a time I would wake up in the morning and wonder if I was angry with the person I went to bed with the night before. I would then determine if I should respond to their good-morning with my brows squeezed together or my lips curled up. Was I stupid or crazy? Maybe I was both. Why didn’t I just assess how I was feeling at that moment?
I had a choice to pick up that baggage that I forgot about over night or leave it were it laid. You see I thought if I forgave or forgot whatever it was that created the anger inside of me the other person wins. When the reality was if I embraced the anger or even the sadness I no longer felt then I was giving that person power over my emotions, my feelings and thoughts. I relinquished my peace of mind.
It wasn’t easy but I learned to grow a thick skin or maybe flexible skin. I learned to embrace happiness and well-being. I’ve been under the weather for the past several months. (That’s a crazy saying under the weather when the weather has been comfortable and/or uncomfortable at various times.) My body was riddle with pain so intense I wanted to die. But I held onto hope to feeling the joy in my life. There was no reason to fall into depression which is easy for a person who has been known to be clinically depressed. I would lie in the bed and listen to the birds sing, the rain tap on the window and watch people on TV living and feel the joy no matter how bad I felt.
I learned that I am the master of my emotions, my feelings and thoughts. I have the power to control how I face each new day and it is my goal to face them with a smile. With love and joy in my heart.
Yes I will be plagued with disappointment, stress and sadness sometimes. Even anger will bar its ugly snarl but I don’t have to add kindling to the fire to cause it to rage out of control.
I learned that whatever today hands me or tomorrow brings I need to live in the moment and keep joy in my heart. There are things beyond our control and when we accept that fact we open our hearts to a stillness that will bring about calm.