The other day I was getting out of a car in the pharmacy parking lot. With my Limited mobility it took me a while. There was a car trying to pass and she was beeping her horn. I closed the car door and noticed my pen on the seat. The car is for hire if I left my pen I may not see it again. You know writers and our pens so I opened the car reached in to retrieve it. The woman started beeping again. I didn’t have my oxygen or cane. I walked behind the car I got out of and my driver pulled off. The car waiting gunned her engine and passed within an inch from me. If I made one more step she would have hit me. I went outside myself and used several choice words that I found in the gutter and yelled at her. Her window was open so I know she heard me.
Then I found myself. I allowed this woman who didn’t have a clue I was disabled to include me in her road rage. Her not knowing I was disabled doesn’t excuse her reckless behavior. I am slow but not that slow. I mean it took me less than a minute to get out the car. She wouldn’t be any later than she already was. The number one rule you learn when getting your driver’s license is to always yield to the pedestrian.
But that is neither here nor there. The issue was me. I was fuming because I allowed this woman to brew up anger in me. I walked into the store wishing I took her plate number and reported her. That wouldn’t have changed anything. I wasn’t hurt so I breathed and put in my prescription. I smiled at the clerk and went on about my business.
I am not responsible for anyone else actions but my own. How I reacted to her behavior wasn’t really anger but fear. Realizing that she could have knocked me down or hit me head on scared me. Getting tapped or hit by a car could have caused serious injury to me with my disabilities. The fact is, she didn’t hit me. She wanted to stir the anger she must have felt waiting less than a minute for me to get out the car. She succeeded for a split moment before I realize it didn’t matter. Done is done and that moment passed.
I am only responsible for myself. I can’t change the way another person feels or reacts. I can only police my behavior. The truth of the matter I didn’t even miss a step. I continued on my course and life went on. I only became scared, angry and vengeful because that woman infected me. I know I am human and it was natural to let her virus to rub off on me but that is only because I allowed it.
I’m working on being happy and peaceful inside my own skin. One of the lessons I need to learn is tolerance. It’s a hard lesson to learn because I expect people to be thoughtful and caring. I realize the world is made of many different personalities each fighting a battle of their own realities. I don’t have any control over their behavior or thoughts like they don’t have over mine. However I can let them influence my behavior in the manner they pass on, that’s only if I allow them. It’s my free will to reject the filth they try to stain me with. I however can try to let a little of my harmonious aspirations rub off on them. Which I hope to remember the next time someone tries to alter my mood.
Helping us grow spiritually