Dreaming My Reality

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I was at a place spending sleepless nights with would’a, could’a and should’a. I was in a pit of self-pity. Why didn’t mom tell me? Why didn’t this one explain to me or that one warn me? Maybe they did but I didn’t listen.



I realize this is my life, my journey. Had anyone tried to show me the way, I wonder would I have listen? Funny thing is I’m sure they did, I just ignored them. One thing for sure all that I’ve seen and experienced made me the person I am today. Today I like myself, well most of the time I do. I’m sure there will come a day when I will honestly love myself. I think these are the thoughts that helped me to earn these silver locks. I realize I had choices, even when I didn’t I still have to digest those experience.



When I became sick I blamed everything bad that happen in my life on someone else. But I was the one who took the bait and was hooked into doing things I should have waited to do or things that would come back to haunt me. I wanted to grow up too fast and made really stupid mistakes. Mistakes that I remember often and think if I could do it over I would do so and so.  I can’t change my past or the things I’ve done. All I can do is try to forgive myself and remember I was young and gullible. That doesn’t excuse me because I was raised with morals. I knew right from wrong.  It was my choice to ignore that little angel yelling in my ear and listen to the devil whispering in the other.



I had dreams and wanted to get them without working for them. I wanted to take short cuts and I did.  Those short cuts lead me to a dead-end street. I even blamed my dreaming for my wayward life style. Thinking I should have faced reality, maybe I should have.



Today I want to dream but I’m afraid to.  I want a pure happiness in my heart but I feel broken and afraid.  I believe I am being punished for the bad I’ve done and I have done some really bad things. I didn’t hurt or kill anyone but I did things that could have land me in jail.  No I’m not revealing, but take my word for it.



My purpose of this post is to remind those who are young, healthy and still have time to make the right decisions to stop and weigh their pros and cons.  I know temptation is always lurking around luring us with tricks and promises but be strong and avoid the booby traps.  We only get one chance at life. There will be some regrets that can’t be avoided but you can limit the number of them.  Weigh the consequences of your actions.



My lesson, as I said, is to forgive myself and learn to live for today.  As long as I have breath I have hope. Maybe it’s not too late for me to still dream or not.



©Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria 8/18/15

24 thoughts on “Dreaming My Reality

  1. Sometimes we are here to save others from our mistakes. With age supposedly wisdom,if everything went right, who knows where you would be. You have astory to tell about life and you are sharing it. Sometimes that’s enough.

  2. Changes

    With the coming of the setting sun
    When it seems my day is done
    There is always a continuation of time
    Where I weigh my day’s final outcome

    It’s a time to reflect on the day’s events
    On all the things that made it complete
    For only in reviewing my many steps
    Might I find heavens peace in my sleep

    I view my mind’s kaleidoscope of images
    Both good and bad and also in between
    For only then might I grow wiser within
    So a much better life tomorrow I may achieve

    And after fully critiquing my days many events
    I kneel down by my bed and fervently pray
    That my God above might help me to correct
    My many mistakes which were made today.

    Your words made me think of this poem I wrote, which I still try to do each night, Each new day we embrace we can
    make changes in our lives for the better, and it all begins with forgiving ourselves first. Hugs and blessings to you Sister Kim!

  3. None of us knows what will happen in our lives. We all like to think we have control and we really do not always. If we are being really self-destructive we can damage ourselves. But even if we are self-destructive we are really hurting aren’t we? And we end up hurting ourselves. There have been books written about “why do bad things happen to good people” as well. So no one is immune from suffering. I don’t think we have so much control that we can blame ourselves.

  4. It takes courage Kim to admit to ourselves what you have said. It takes deeper courage still to write about them.. I am sure as you now unravel that journey and forgive that inside of you I know even now your Dreams are manifesting.. Internal Peace and contentedness only come when we have also experienced the turbulence. And we come to really know who we are.. And through reading your verse’s dear Kim.. You are well on the way to discovering both who you are and where you are going..

    May all your Dreams be fulfilled xxx Hugs Sue

    1. I believe that the life I lived was to teach me. I think I learn each day and I hope to one day be worthy of my dreams coming true. Thanks for your kind words Sue.. Hugs back ❤

    1. I didn’t comment on Mark’s page but of course both you and him are right on point. Yes dreaming does set me/us up for disappointment. I need to re-calibrate my thoughts. 🙂 I added two words at the end.

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