Validating Myself

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You shouldn’t believe everything you read, or should you?



 

once my dreams

were my possibilities
there was no dividing line
life was, what it was
blind happiness

in a state of sleep

as I crawled, walked

and ran through life
the strides I made
some say I was a success
I succeeded

to have three baby daddies
and three children

whom I may have failed
though I was respected

among co-workers

and peers

I enabled his addiction
while I searched for my happiness
mommy overprotective me
daddy left and never looked back
he took my hand and stole my virginity
a nymphomaniac I became
addicted to touch

I wrote the words
I felt the pain and

cried the tears
never knowing who I was
stumbling through darkness
while the sun shone on me

placing blame everywhere
except for where blame belonged
I was too light
my hair too soft
my face too pretty
hated by women
lusted by boys
the pedophiles I knew
kept secrets in the open

no one told me

I didn’t hear

when I should have listened
lungs full of holes
a heart lacking oxygen
joints swollen
aches fueling my fatigue
living the short life
missing teeth
overweight
graceful and elegant I’m not
I was what I’ll never be again
regrets gather like ocean tears

a wall I build
where I hide
forgotten

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©Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria 4/14/15

30 thoughts on “Validating Myself

  1. Oh wow, Kim, this is raw and honest and takes bravery to share with others. Memories that weigh heavy on your heart and soul. But you penned this beautifully and from your words and perseverance, you are a survivor! You have a kind heart and are loved by many. You are an inspiration, my friend…sending many hugs. ♥

  2. Kim.. it takes courage to write what has laid hidden within your heart to expose it to the light.. But I know as you do you allow yourself to heal… A powerful sobering post of life.. You are one strong lady my friend xxx ❤

  3. These words are a powerful self reflection. Revealing them is hard, but somewhat cathartic. All the best to you on our journey through our challenges. We each have woulda, shoulda, coulda reflections. Take care.

  4. My goodness, this is a write so full of pain. I hope, in some way, it has helped you to write it. I hope you acknowledge that you were not to blame. I hope, in older age, you have made peace with yourself. In some strange ways there is comfort in being older, heavier and creaky-jointed! It makes us see the important things in life and learn how to forgive ourselves of past follies. All peace to you, Kimberley xxx

    1. I always say I’m a work in progress. Every day I forgive myself and learn to love myself. I wrote this a while back I wasn’t sure if I was going to share it. Yes it was painful to write.

  5. What an honest poem (a painful and perhaps too judgmental self-assessment), Kimberly, but how excuisitly well written. Often life lessons are hard but only the truly brave walk the truly hard path, a choice which is not an indictment of yourself or your spirit. All paths are the hero’s path. I’m struck by the symbolism hidden in your name: Kimberly – Diamond, sturdy and beautiful; Wilhelmina – protector; Floria – blooming. That sums it up. A strong, sturdy beautiful woman who is protective of those she loves (you wouldn’t feel this way if you weren’t protective) and who is still in bloom. Many blessings, Jamie

      1. I think there’s a certain synchronicity about names, don’t you? I’ve been mulling your poem over my morning coffee, Kimberly. Who among us – I have many friends who are parents and I am one myself – doesn’t think that in some way they’ve failed their children? I wonder. I think we all do the best we can with where we are at the time. Too ofen wisdom comes with hindsight. One friend and I were discussing this a few weeks ago and we both felt that we often gave our kids what we needed ourselves without realizing that they needed something else. Anyway, just some stray thoughts, probably not worth much.

        1. I think all our thoughts have merit. I think you’re right with the hindsight. I think that’s what helps us with our grandchildren. Though our children say we didn’t think that when they were kids/

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