I don’t usually accept awards or take part in “pass on challenges”. They usually infringe on my time, but this one that Lauren Scott of Baydreamer tagged me for is an easy one. You choose a picture of your choice and write something. You do this for five days. You’re supposed to tag a different person each time you post to complete the five days. You don’t have to post consistently which also is cool with me. No biggy since I usually include a picture with my writing. So today I’m sharing a vent post about this demon I am fighting.
Today my photo is more of a quote that I found on FB. It’s how I’ve been feeling since they cut that cancer out of my lung back in November. It’s been a battle every day and frankly I am exhausted. My lupus has been attacking me viciously. I try to ignore the fatigue and work through it. It’s a losing battle.
I’ve been on steroids since March and gained back the twenty pounds I lost and I can feel every pound. I’ve been tapered down to four milligrams of steroids a day in anticipating coming off the dreaded steroids. Then I received a call from my doctor and it seems my white blood cells are low and my lupus markers are all out of whack. I have to see the doc next week for blood work. I know she’s going to increase the steroids again.
I knew I wasn’t one hundred percent. I’m not hurting, thank goodness but the fatigue told me I wasn’t up to par. I was ignoring it as I worked to get Whispers I Silently Heard published. I hoped that the sales would help with the cost of my medication. Who was I fooling? I think the stress of worrying is attributing to my deteriorating health. I’m considering going back to work, but I know I can’t handle a nine to five.
I want to live, but I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting this battle. I’m tired of dreaming of better days. I put on my “I’m good face” but I really just want to crawl in a hole and disappear. No pun indented, but that’s probably what’s going to happen.
I don’t want words of sympathy or words of encouragements. I’m strong and I’m holding on I just needed to vent. I’m not depressed even though this post may sound like it. I’m just tired.
I hope my next post is upbeat.
I would like to thank Lauren at Baydreamer for tagging me in this fun photo challenge.
Here are the rules for the “Five Photos Five Stories” challenge: “Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge.
(Sporadic posting is alright if you’re unable to post each day.)
My first nomination for this challenge is Mark over at Mark Bialczak