Too Much Pain

 

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when I woke up this morning

my eyes were heavy

my thoughts were fuzzy

I just wanted to lie in bed

but my neck was cramped

from sleeping with my head

twelve inches high

my back and hips oh my

hurt and hurt and hurt

my knees and shoulders

don’t want to move

feeling like they need oil

feeling like lead is attached

when I woke up this morning

I took a handful of pills

one for hypertension

one for acid reflux

one for pulmonary hypertension

 four milligrams of steroids

a pill for the lupus

another one for the lupus

the antibiotic I take regularly

for a chronic infection

a bunch of vitamins to help

when I woke up this morning

I wanted to go back to sleep

I wanted to cry for the pain

for the pain to stop

I can take a pain-killer

but then I’ll be woozy

I already get dizzy

from the acid reflux

 in my throat

that makes me cough

when I woke up this morning

again hurting so bad

but I woke up this morning

to live another day

for that I am thankful

I can handle the pain

one more day

©Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria 9/11/15

I am aware that it is 9/11 and I remember my friend who died that terrible day fourteen years ago.  The poetry club I read at often is having a special reading of poems written honoring the fallen tonight.  But I couldn’t write poetic words to express the pain I felt/feel.  You see I traveled every day pass or under the twin towers to go to work.  When I traveled under there were hundreds of faces I saw every day that got off at Fulton Street.  It was the last day of my vacation on 9/11 or I would have been in the midst.

When the trains were up and running after those strangers I knew but didn’t were gone.  The guy who wore the uniform of the chefs, the ladies wearing hundred dollars shoes and the men reading the Wall Street Journal.  They were gone and those of us that were left gave each other sad smiles and life went on.

After the shock and it was realized that it could have possibly been my own government that killed thousands of people for no other reason then for greed.  I have no words.

Today the TV is off because I don’t want to listen to all the names that died that day. It is fruitless when we are still dying in the name of peace. When babies are washing ashore, blood is soaking soils and families are feeling the pain of losing love ones.  So I shared a selfish poem of my  personal pain and suffering and let the world mourn the death of those murdered on 9/11/01.

 

 

48 thoughts on “Too Much Pain

  1. As a few other people have said you are a strong person, Kim. To simply face your day each day and still be thankful when it brings such pain.Sending healing thoughts and wishes.

  2. Wow.. I have to witness the pain that my mom suffers due to arthritis, fibromyalgia and headaches from a benign brain tumour.

    She’s on morphine, but it doesn’t touch the pain.. I’ve tried to get her to take herbal meds, and it is unbearable to see the suffering! I hope doctors can do more for her, as its ruining her quality of life. I empathize with your friends condition.

    1. I’m sorry your mother is hurting. Most of the pain killers don’t touch the pain but help you sleep. My daughter got me some weed for Christmas last year and I made tea. It dulled the pain.

      1. Yeah, weed is a good plant! Wish I could grow some! Its illegal in the UK! You have to be careful where to get your supply as so much marijuana is tainted with chemicals! Thai and lemon kush are good for pain.

              1. Oxycodone!! Woooi!!! The side effects must be horrendous!!! My mom had that.. Badly affected her stomach!

                Try if you can to get CBD Hemp oil.. Research that when you can. Due to your level of pain etc 4% to start off with would be a joke! 10% or higher is what you should deal with. Try Noni Juice too.. Amazon are good for both of these things!

            1. I had it my whole life but didn’t get diagnosed until I was 48 years ago. It attacked my lungs. I always had joint pains. It took almost 3 years for me to go into remission. Last year I had lung surgery and it was cancer. This past March I’ve been flaring and have been pain throughout my body, I have headaches, and my stomach goes crazy. My memory and thoughts are fuzzy and the exhaustion is unbearable. I think the surgery brought on the flare. But everyone with lupus is affected differently. My mom had lupus too.

              1. Jesus!!! This is really bad! Cancer? Are you recovering now? Or still on chemotherapy?

                I know it can cause joint problems, cause people to have bones replaced and severe organ failure.. But your immune system is so bad it causes cancer?? 😥

                I’m so sorry.. You have a family history of lupus? Have your children been gene tested too? I apologize for the questions..

              2. It’s okay. The mass they found was very small and they got it all out. It was found by accident and, as a result no Chemo!! Thank goodness. I have to have a CT scan and see the surgeon every four months to make sure nothing is out of whack. My kids haven’t had genetic testing done. Lupus is hard to diagnosis you have to have an active flare and they do a lupus panel and check levels of several tests and the symptoms to diagnosis.

              3. Sickle cell is a little easier to diagnosis because they can see the cell under the microscope sickle. My nephew has the trait and his son has sickle cell. I feel for him because he’s a little baby.

              4. Geez.. Looks like your family are a little unlucky. My nephew apparently has the trait.. A lot of his dads family have suffered due to full blown sickle cell.. Even trait people can get sick. Scary painful disease. They gene test couples in Africa because of it!

  3. I did not watch tv on that day either. I can’t even begin to imagine what went through the minds of those that had to make the decision to burn or jump to their deaths. All so terribly sad & for what? UGH!

    I wish for you more pain-free days than those of pain though.
    If I could wish the pain away from you – I would.
    {Hugs}

  4. The physical pain you described touched me, but then the context of 9-11 took it to another level. As I told a blogger from NYC – I know I can’t imagine the feel the locals have on that day. Yes, I know my feeling, but it is not even close to what those in the vicinity feel. Peace to you.

  5. Dear Kim.. I can not even begin to imagine the pain you felt that day, for I know here in the UK the pain I felt watching thousands of miles away the events that day can not even begin to comprehend what you must have felt among others..

    I am sorry to hear about your friend and others caught up that day.. I always send a prayer but didn’t do a post this year on my blog.. I wrote many poems in remembrance over the years.

    Sending you my love dearest Kim, I know it will not ease the pain, but sharing our thoughts eases our burdens..

    Love Sue xxx ❤ ❤

  6. I wish your daily struggles could be lessened. You are so talented, thoughtful and tenacious in overcoming your pain to live life to the fullest. Your words soar, even when your body does not feel like it. Thank you for sharing your spirit with us.

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