A Whatever




It takes so long for me to bounce back after I have a “whatever” that puts me in the hospital. I say whatever because I went to the ER because my right leg was swollen. I and they thought it was a blood clot. This aggravating cough I’ve been dealing with for a year and the chest pains I was feeling could have easily been heartburn but with the tingling in my left arm I was concerned. These signs pointed to congenital heart failure. The good news was no blood clot and no heart failure. My Coumadin levels were low which could indicate a blood clot. My INR which is the Coumadin level is supposed to be between 2.5 and 3.0. My levels were hovering around 1.5 – 1.7.
They diagnosing with pneumonia. They couldn’t find out why my leg was swelling or what was causing the cough. They put me on high doses of steroids and antibiotics and watched my INR level. Finally on Saturday my level was 5.5 and I was discharged.


They sent me home taking 40 mg steroids twice a day. Thank goodness it was for only two days. Steroids are a horrible drug. It creates havoc in the mind and body. My thought process became foggy and confused. I’m tired and want to sleep but steroids have a component that speeds you up. This was why they gave it to you to speed your recovery. It makes you hungry. So hungry you could eat a giant steak, half a pot of potatoes, veggies, bread. Then for dessert have a chunk of cake with ice cream. Fifteen minutes later you felt like you were starving. I kid you not. The one thing I hate – steroids. The physical destruction of steroids was the obvious weight gain. It breaks down the calcium in your body made the bones weak and brittle. My teeth, what few I have left literally had no enamel and break off. My skin stayed dry and itchy. My hair was thinning, dry and brittle. Have you ever read the hand out you got with your medication? Your doctor has determined the positive affects out weight the risk. I am 300 pounds and need to eat fruit and vegetables but my food budget can only afford bread, potatoes and chicken. So the benefit of these steroids was I am alive though my body was deteriorating.


You can’t just stop taking steroids you have to taper off. They say you’ll get very sick. I guess your body would go into shock. I do get tremors as the steroids decrease, like withdrawals. The steroids I take aren’t the ones the athletics take I’m told. They say those are way worst. I was down to 12 mg twice a day it was still a lot. I was taking 8 mg before I was admitted to the hospital. This past Tuesday I saw my pulmonary doctor he doesn’t think it was pneumonia. I’ve been seeing him for several months about this cough. He had me on high doses of steroids. Once the steroids were reduced back to 8mg the cough came back. He put me on a new inhaler. It seemed to be working but I am still on high doses of steroids.
The bottom line the pulmonary doctor and my rheumatologist who treats my lupus don’t know what caused my coughing. I’m exhausted and I want to just give up. But I won’t. I want to publish Hidden Temptation and finish Revealing Temptation. I have other projects I want to complete as well. I just want to feel 50% better than I feel right now. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks to everyone who has expressed your care, love, prayers and well wishes.


Here’s a human interest story. Well I’m human and I think it’s interesting.
The first night in the ER the intern and resident noted that I was in a pleasant mood and very friendly. I told them being evil, difficult and nasty wasn’t going to make me feel better. I told them I preferred to be happy. I was in the ER for 24 hours before I went up stairs. I witness people who were there just as long and they become evil started complaining and cussing the aids, nurses and doctors out because they were still in the ER. I smiled and told people to relax but of course most people believe their situation was of dire needs. I smiled and remained pleasant until I got in my room.


The curtain was closed around the window bed but a voice behind the curtain said, the bathroom was all mine because she only had one leg. There was always someone worst. She has diabetes, COPD and smoked up until she was admitted in the hospital four months ago.


Part of her leg was amputated. The infection moved up and they had to remove more of her leg. She wasn’t expected to live. While I was her roommate they were looking to see if the infection spread again. If it had they were going to remove her leg up to her hip.


For the most part she was pleasant. After four months she knew everyone in the hospital. She only complained about one aid and that aid complained about her. But on the most part she was understanding and thankful. I mention this because so often we get caught up in our own misfortune that we fail to see the struggles of others. My roommate had to call the nurse for everything, medication, to pass her stuff she couldn’t reach, for the bed pan that was humiliating when the male nurses provided that service.


We have one life at times it may seem difficult. We feel sad, hurt, and useless which feeds depression. Some of us are so afflicted with depression we can only see our misery. Try this look at what was good in your life and appreciate that. Don’t dwell on what’s not because then that becomes the focus. There are a lot that can set me on a boo hoo marathon but that won’t make it better. I woke up this morning. I have all the medication I need for the next few days. My children are healthy and safe. So are my brother, sister and their families. I had love expressed to me from friends on FB and from you thoughtful people on WordPress. The main thing I’m thankful that I can sit at this computer and continue to work non hidden temptation.


The lady I shared my hospital room with looked forward to therapy every day. She planned to be able to take care of herself. With therapy she knew she would get stronger. She wanted to hurry up and get to rehab so she would get a prosthetic. She’s not sure how she was going to get her car adjusted to accommodate but she was thinking about it. What I learned from this lady was life doesn’t stop it doesn’t pause. Every day we wake up breathing we should embrace and be thankful. Be happy it was a waste of time being sad.

56 thoughts on “A Whatever

  1. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Be kind to yourself it takes a long time to get back into the world. As we get older we don’t ‘bounce back’ we sort of shuffle instead xxxxx

  2. And through all the crap, her heads remains high – so you are an bright example for others. Hang in there and I hope today is better than yesterday … and the same for tomorrow.

  3. ”Every day we wake up breathing we should embrace and be thankful. Be happy it was a waste of time being sad.” I agree with you hundred percent Kim. You’re on my mind daily, I wish you health and happiness with a truck load of love!
    Blessings. xxx

  4. Have had pain upper thigh 12 weeks and recent MRI. They cannot find anything. I don’t know if I am to be happy about that or worried that the pain still exists. The doctor said it may be a matter to TMB(too many birthdays).

  5. Hi Kim sorry to hear you have had such a rough time of it as you recover at home.. No matter when we go to these places we always see someone worse off than ourselves.. I hope you get your Muse back real soon my friend.. Know I am sending huge Hugs your way… and I hope each day you feel a little better..Many thanks for taking time to visit when you have been so poorly..
    ❤ Love Sue xxx

  6. We are human. We want everyone to think our own stories or plights or successes are the only things that need to be on billboards or showing at the local theaters. And yet we are only a small part of the whole. I read this morning in a newsletter I get from a Buddhist site that basically taking responsibility for ourselves and being aware are very healthy. And it is OK to be sad sometimes. Because that sadness might just help us to strive for something better.

    Your room-mate is a testament to that. May her life, and your life recover to the point where you can enjoy. You my friend are an inspiration.
    May you continue to be a blessing as you bless those around you.

  7. I’m glad to hear you’re out of the hospital now and doing better. I also love your story about your roommate; so very wonderful to see people who truly value what they have in life.

  8. After all you’ve been through, you still allowed yourself to learn from someone else, and by doing so, you conveyed a very important message to your readers. Thanks for being honest and wise, Kim. I have been in those “boo hoo” moments, too, thinking about my daughter’s illness and other life events, but we must move on and stay positive. Taking the other road does us no good and those around us…sending lots of love!

  9. I too never understood why people are so mean and obnoxious at drs and hospitals. With the husband I’ve seen quite a few lately. I always figure to be nice to the ones who will be taking care of him. What’s the point of getting on their bad sides? 😉
    I’m glad you are home now but sad that you are having such a hard time yet. I do hope you get to feeling better. ❤

  10. Kim, I was following your updates on FB and saw that you had been discharged from the hospital. I’m very sorry for what you’re still going through in trying to regain your health but I really appreciate your positive attitude. I hope your health improves each day. Those complaining types make nurses’ jobs so much harder…and they have such difficult jobs anyway. It’s much better to play well with others! 🙂
    Gayle ~

    1. Thank you Gayle. The nurses jobs are very hard. They are over worked and under staffed. Though the lady in the next bed needed total care she could be a bit demanding at time. Be well my friend.

  11. You are wonderful, Kim. It really is all about attitude, and yours is remarkable. It’s easy, or should I say, easier to be cheerful when our health is robust. More difficult when confronted with illness. I’m reminded of the old idiom ‘sport reveals character’. Or, in your case, ‘illness reveals character’. It’s nice to know you, Kim. ❤

  12. Sending prayers and blessings, Kim!

    Thank you for this post. I, too, have physical challenges that necessitate frequent doctors’ appointments and occasional hospital stays. You’re 100% right – it doesn’t do any good to do or say anything negative, in most situations. That only makes things seem worse and longer – if not for the negative person, then certainly for those around him or her. I’ve gotten so I look forward to my Coumadin visits, in fact. I’m crazy about the doctor, nurses, and techs, and they seem to like me back – which is good, as this is basically my social life 🙂

    Sounds like you’re something of a chaplain to and for those around you. Bless you!

  13. Kim, what a terrific post. I am sorry you are saddled with so many challenges. Yet, your kind and understanding attitude is more than a breath of fresh air. Best wishes, my friend, Keith

  14. I love your positive attitude. Those steroids sound a nightmare but, as you say, there are always people that are worse off than you. I have a real issue with people who start complaining in waiting rooms if they’re the centre of the universe. I remember once waiting for an appointment in an NHS hospital. We were all sitting in a row on chairs in a long corridor and this one arrogant woman started complaining loudly, “I’m a private patient. I’m meant to be seen immediately by the doctor. And I’ve already had to wait 20 minutes”. Never mind that some of us had already waited an hour and were being patient and civil! She berated the nurses and reception staff every time they walked past, until one of the receptionists took great delight in telling her that she’d come on the wrong day and her appointment was tomorrow. She made such a fool of herself and was so obnoxious, I think she got her comeuppance.

    1. Yes I know those kinds of people. There was a woman who was waiting for her mother to be admitted. The staff was gossiping about a supervisor who by their account was a real horror. She was terminated and the staff congregated to talk about it. This woman came over to me and was upset that the staff was talking together instead of taking care of her mother. The side we were on were for going to the floors. Other than taking the vitals, giving us our meals or any other minor needs there wasn’t anything pressing. As I was being taken upstairs the same lady was arguing with staff. I told her to relax and just go with the flow there isn’t anything you can do to make the wheel move faster. I saw her as I was being discharged and she gave me a wide smile. Wasted time being grumpy.

  15. Thanks your the update. Bottom line: you realise it is best to be positive. I can go with that, and most often manage it too. As for the rest? I’m still working on it.

      1. very difficult to live with. my friend joan is trying to literally get her voice back. dr s an idiot. so her next surgery is in two weeks april fools. hmm be well blessings!

Comments are closed.