It takes so long for me to bounce back after I have a “whatever” that puts me in the hospital. I say whatever because I went to the ER because my right leg was swollen. I and they thought it was a blood clot. This aggravating cough I’ve been dealing with for a year and the chest pains I was feeling could have easily been heartburn but with the tingling in my left arm I was concerned. These signs pointed to congenital heart failure. The good news was no blood clot and no heart failure. My Coumadin levels were low which could indicate a blood clot. My INR which is the Coumadin level is supposed to be between 2.5 and 3.0. My levels were hovering around 1.5 – 1.7.
They diagnosing with pneumonia. They couldn’t find out why my leg was swelling or what was causing the cough. They put me on high doses of steroids and antibiotics and watched my INR level. Finally on Saturday my level was 5.5 and I was discharged.
They sent me home taking 40 mg steroids twice a day. Thank goodness it was for only two days. Steroids are a horrible drug. It creates havoc in the mind and body. My thought process became foggy and confused. I’m tired and want to sleep but steroids have a component that speeds you up. This was why they gave it to you to speed your recovery. It makes you hungry. So hungry you could eat a giant steak, half a pot of potatoes, veggies, bread. Then for dessert have a chunk of cake with ice cream. Fifteen minutes later you felt like you were starving. I kid you not. The one thing I hate – steroids. The physical destruction of steroids was the obvious weight gain. It breaks down the calcium in your body made the bones weak and brittle. My teeth, what few I have left literally had no enamel and break off. My skin stayed dry and itchy. My hair was thinning, dry and brittle. Have you ever read the hand out you got with your medication? Your doctor has determined the positive affects out weight the risk. I am 300 pounds and need to eat fruit and vegetables but my food budget can only afford bread, potatoes and chicken. So the benefit of these steroids was I am alive though my body was deteriorating.
You can’t just stop taking steroids you have to taper off. They say you’ll get very sick. I guess your body would go into shock. I do get tremors as the steroids decrease, like withdrawals. The steroids I take aren’t the ones the athletics take I’m told. They say those are way worst. I was down to 12 mg twice a day it was still a lot. I was taking 8 mg before I was admitted to the hospital. This past Tuesday I saw my pulmonary doctor he doesn’t think it was pneumonia. I’ve been seeing him for several months about this cough. He had me on high doses of steroids. Once the steroids were reduced back to 8mg the cough came back. He put me on a new inhaler. It seemed to be working but I am still on high doses of steroids.
The bottom line the pulmonary doctor and my rheumatologist who treats my lupus don’t know what caused my coughing. I’m exhausted and I want to just give up. But I won’t. I want to publish Hidden Temptation and finish Revealing Temptation. I have other projects I want to complete as well. I just want to feel 50% better than I feel right now. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks to everyone who has expressed your care, love, prayers and well wishes.
Here’s a human interest story. Well I’m human and I think it’s interesting.
The first night in the ER the intern and resident noted that I was in a pleasant mood and very friendly. I told them being evil, difficult and nasty wasn’t going to make me feel better. I told them I preferred to be happy. I was in the ER for 24 hours before I went up stairs. I witness people who were there just as long and they become evil started complaining and cussing the aids, nurses and doctors out because they were still in the ER. I smiled and told people to relax but of course most people believe their situation was of dire needs. I smiled and remained pleasant until I got in my room.
The curtain was closed around the window bed but a voice behind the curtain said, the bathroom was all mine because she only had one leg. There was always someone worst. She has diabetes, COPD and smoked up until she was admitted in the hospital four months ago.
Part of her leg was amputated. The infection moved up and they had to remove more of her leg. She wasn’t expected to live. While I was her roommate they were looking to see if the infection spread again. If it had they were going to remove her leg up to her hip.
For the most part she was pleasant. After four months she knew everyone in the hospital. She only complained about one aid and that aid complained about her. But on the most part she was understanding and thankful. I mention this because so often we get caught up in our own misfortune that we fail to see the struggles of others. My roommate had to call the nurse for everything, medication, to pass her stuff she couldn’t reach, for the bed pan that was humiliating when the male nurses provided that service.
We have one life at times it may seem difficult. We feel sad, hurt, and useless which feeds depression. Some of us are so afflicted with depression we can only see our misery. Try this look at what was good in your life and appreciate that. Don’t dwell on what’s not because then that becomes the focus. There are a lot that can set me on a boo hoo marathon but that won’t make it better. I woke up this morning. I have all the medication I need for the next few days. My children are healthy and safe. So are my brother, sister and their families. I had love expressed to me from friends on FB and from you thoughtful people on WordPress. The main thing I’m thankful that I can sit at this computer and continue to work non hidden temptation.
The lady I shared my hospital room with looked forward to therapy every day. She planned to be able to take care of herself. With therapy she knew she would get stronger. She wanted to hurry up and get to rehab so she would get a prosthetic. She’s not sure how she was going to get her car adjusted to accommodate but she was thinking about it. What I learned from this lady was life doesn’t stop it doesn’t pause. Every day we wake up breathing we should embrace and be thankful. Be happy it was a waste of time being sad.