Praying to the Gastro God

WHO THE HELL GETS UP THIS EARLY

What the fuck is wrong with me? The birds aren’t even singing and the sun hasn’t peek over the horizon. But I’m up on this dark, early, chilly morning pulling off my night clothes and stepping in the shower. I washed from head to toe and lotion from toe to head. I put on make-up!! Yes make-up, I sure hope I don’t rub my eyes and end up looking like a raccoon.

 

 

MY NEW SUIT

I love new clothes. Well not as much as I did when I hundred pound lighter. I don’t shop in stores only on-line at fat lady apparel shops. No time to order, try on and send back so I ordered everything the same size. Extra, Extra, Extra big! The shirt to wear under the jacket was a little too big. The pants were snug around the hips but too long. Now that I lost two inches of my height pants never fit right. I’ll try and get away with it. It was suppose to rain but I’m so glad it didn’t and the bottom of my pants weren’t destroyed. I will get them hemmed for the next affair. I should have worn my spandex. The blouse I had on was long enough to cover the unsightly ass and twenty month pregnant belly.

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GOT TO EAT SOMETHING

I’m going to be out all day. I need something to eat. What can I eat that won’t mess up my stomach. I ate two pieces of Hawaiian Bread with butter. I popped it in the microwave for a few seconds. I washed my pills down with water. I took 4 mg of medrol (prednisone) I started on 8 mg the night before.

I said a prayer to the gastro God. Please don’t give me uncontrollable diarrhea. I never know what will bring on that debilitating stomach monster.
I started taking the Metamucil regularly for the past five nights in hopes of keeping the digestive system behaving on the day of the conference.

 

THE BUS IS ON TIME

At 6 am my Access-A-Ride arrives on time. There’s a customer inside that’s dropped off first. The drive has another pick up. That pick up is canceled. I’m going to be early. There’s a Starbucks right next to the building. My stomach is bubbling so I use the bathroom. I drink a small cup of decaf and eat a quarter of a bagel. For some reason I look at my watch and I see 9 am. I throw away what’s left of the coffee and go into the building.

Security gives me a pass and upstairs I go. It was 8 O’clock. I’m not calling myself stupid but what else could I call myself. I had to go back downstairs when the event planner arrived and register and get my gift bag.

When I get back upstairs I offer to help with the book store set up but they refuse my help.

One lady asks, “did you bring your manuscript?”

I said, “yes and I hope I get to leave it. Its heavy and I don’t want to carry it back.”

“I’m sure they’ll love it.” the lady says.

I smile and to take a seat, second row, right in the middle in front of the screen.

EVERYONE IS HERE AND THE CONFERENCE BEGINS
Do they want to read my manuscript click here and find out