No Caffeine

Greetings to all my dear friends on Word Press.

I miss you guys and would love to get back to blogging  and reading your writing and posting regularly. I’ve been going through mental and physical challenges for the past few months.

In June I got this infusion call Reclast. I’m telling you the name so if a doctor suggests it you ask questions.  You know they say 1 out of 100 may have these side effects.  I was the one. (Here I sigh and roll my eyes.)

My bone density was really bad. I couldn’t afford the medication to help rebuild my bone density so my doctor suggested the infusion. She said maybe for three days I will feel like I have the flu.  I never had the flu and after what I went through I hope I never do.  I was f*ed up. Headache, aches throughout my body, no appetite (well that was a good thing, I lost 18 pounds). I could hardly walk; I was pale, weak, and exhausted all the time. Three days my ass, this went on for months, I kid you not.  I was out of it until the end of August.

I know it’s the middle of October.  I’ve been curled in front of the TV, reading books, I have three novels I’m working on but I have no push to work on them regularly. They call what I’m going through depression. I am going through the motions. When I’m alone I sob like a lost child and I’m alone a lot.  I look at family and friends on Face Book living and looking like that are having a good time and wish I had the kind of life they’re living.  I know the berries always look sweeter in someone else’s yard. I won’t get into my family situation but when your children grow up they sometimes grow away. All I can do is give them space and hope they will want me back in their lives.

I do have a new grandson on the way.  I made him 3 sweaters, two hats, and a blanket. I want to make another hat to match the 3rd sweater and a sweater and hat to match the blanket.  I’ve been trying to find an easy crotchet pattern for booties but I can’t find one.  Each time I try a new pattern I fail.  Mom showed me how to crotchet when I was a kid.  I know how to read the patterns and follow but there’s always a point where I miss something.  I even tried crocheting with the YouTube videos, but that frustrates me too.  If anyone has an easy pattern please share. I have two months to finish.

I don’t know if I shared with you that I’ve had this cough for the past two years and none of the doctors could figure out what was causing it. Last month I saw an Otolaryngology, he is an ENT specialist.  He promises to find out what’s causing the cough and has changed some of my medications and suggested I read the book, Killing Me Softly From Inside by Jonathan E. Aviv, MD, FACS. {I added a link for the book on Amazon but there must be a mistake because the cost of the book is ranging from $220 to $700. Good book but not at that price.} I like reading but books on health and diets I felt the headache before I even ordered the book. Let me tell you as I was reading I felt like this doctor was talking to me personally.  He mentioned my symptoms and knew how I felt. It’s was every enlightening.

Dr. Aviv says most doctors dismiss coughs. Usually the cough is due to throat burn reflux that is not diagnosed with an endoscopy because it goes under the throat.  The Otolaryngologist uses an instrument that goes through the nose and can see the throat. Some people suffer with coughs for years and it can lead to esophagus cancer. I don’t have esophagus cancer. However to alleviate the cough and prevent esophagus cancer I need to change my diet. (Can you hear me screaming?) This diet is high fiber, no caffeine, no sugar, no white food.  Basically if you like it you can’t eat it. I’m going to try my best because I’m dealing with so much health issues.

This brings me to my latest issue. On November 17, 2016 it will be two years since they removed the cancerous lung wedge. Since then I’ve seen the thoracic surgeon for every 4 months. Two weeks ago they found another mass on my upper left lung. The surgeon says it’s small and wants to wait and watch to see if it grows by December. He prefers not to do surgery so he says he’s thinking about doing radiation therapy.  I told my pulmonary doctor and my oncologist.  My oncologist wasn’t waiting; he took blood and set me up for a PET scan. When the Pet scan came back the oncologist spoke to a medical team that does needle biopsy and they said the mass was too small to do the biopsy.

The pulmonary doctor and oncologist spoke and suggested I get a second opinion.  They gave me the head thoracic surgeon of one of the hospital in Nassau County.

The pulmonary medical assistant called and told me the surgeon is the best.  I saw my gastro doctor yesterday and I told him what was going on.  When I told him the doctor I was going to for the second opinion he said he was going to recommend the same doctor.  So I feel good about that.

The pulmonary and oncologist thinks the first surgeon isn’t comfortable doing the surgery because of my medical history. So this is where I am at.

Some weepy sad poems that need to be worked on but I don’t want to share right now. I am stress over the presidential election and just want it to be over. As an American I am embarrassed by the candidates playing a game of calling the dozens when the future of the world rests on their shoulders. They said they were banning animals in the circus.

I hope that me posting today means I’m crawling out of this depression.

Be well and happy.



51 thoughts on “No Caffeine

  1. Golly Kim – unsure what else to say. All that you’re undergoing is overwhelming. All good wishes to you – glad that you’re back in the blogging sphere. 🌺🍀

  2. Dear Kim, It’s a delight to see you are back to blogging… I feel happy reading from you again and thanks so much for visiting my blog. 🙂 Here’s sending you prayers for healing and positive thoughts. Cyber hugs to you. xxx 🙂 🙂

  3. Hey Kim, good to see you writing again. Gosh, lots happening for you. Not a lot you can do but follow the good advice and keep your chin up!
    I’m very busy, at the moment; back to dance and writing, so I’ve not a lot of time for blogging, and don’t feel inspired either. So it’s ‘down time’ for me and WP; though, I do post when the inspiration hits!
    Looking forward to those poems; I’m sure they’ll be up to your usual high standard. ❤

    1. Hi Carolyn, So good to see you. I’m happy to hear that you are up and enjoying life dancing and writing. I look forward to reading new stuff from you. I don’t know when I’ll be able to go back and read older work. Hugs to you!!

  4. Kim, it’s no wonder you’re in a depression! Any one of those issues could put any of us into a tail spin. I hope you will find some tiny thing every day to be grateful for and little by little maybe you’ll feel better as they all add up. I do my best not to get entangled in the health care system. Some things they do are life saving and others are life sapping. It sounds like you’re pretty proactive in handling your care and that’s a good thing. Follow your gut sister! I wish you better days ahead my friend.

  5. Kim, thanks for sharing you ever arduous journey. Please do keep blogging, as I find it therapeutic., when I do. Plus, our words will live on. I am delighted you have a new grandson on the way. It sounds like you have still been industrious with your knitting for the little one.

    Take care my friend. I wish for you additional doses of strength and courage. Best wishes. Keith

  6. Oh my, Kim, you have endured so much, and to be able to write down the details and share them with us says a lot; it means that your passion for writing is weaved through each ache and pain, even though focusing on your novels is too much right now. I feel for you and words here don’t do justice to how I truly feel. All I can say is keep on moving forward and know that you have support close to you and right here in this special place of yours. By the way, I used to knit and crochet when I was younger; my mom taught me. But like you, I seem to miss something and to this day, I have an afghan that I knitted years ago and now it has a big hole in the middle. 🙂 Apparently, I missed something there! Anyway, keep writing, even if it’s tidbits in a journal; they usually turn into poems to share with us. Sending lots of love and healing hugs, my friend…♥

    1. Lauren your support and kind heartfelt words are comforting. I really feel good with this surgeon. He’s two years younger than me and has 28 years experience. I had to wait an hour and thirty minutes after my scheduled appointment. I was frustrated and felt short tempered but he was so confident and caring that I just smiledon’t and let him put me at ease. The surgeon who operated on the first mass I think was scared to do this one. New doctor said no problem he can take care of it.

      1. Well, if you feel comfortable with the surgeon, that’s a big deal. My daughter’s circumstances are different, but feeling good about her doctors and trusting them is a big, big plus. So that’s good to hear. I keep you in my prayers, always…

  7. Welcome back and I take it as a great sign that you are posting again. We’re here for you and I send you a gentle hug xx I have battled depression and know that there is life on the other side ❤

  8. Always glad to hear from you. Less so to know of your troubles> Even when I don’t see you here on WP I often think of you and send you best wishes. No more than you deserve.

  9. That sounds like hell, all of it. There was me feeling sorry for myself after my last bout of flu back in August, but it was a lamb compared to the tiger attacking you from every direction. My heart goes out to you.
    Okay, the cough, as I might have something useful to contribute here. It sounds like laryngeal reflux (otherwise known as silent reflux). This is caused by not enough acid in the stomach, rather than too much, which means that the food isn’t digested properly and then refluxes. Often when this happens, tiny particles of undigested food get into the lungs and make you cough.
    Now for a strong word of warning (although what I’m saying is a personal opinion, albeit based on some fairly convincing evidence)… the doctor will probably offer you a drug that suppresses acid but, if he does, I’d strongly suggest you look at an alternative treatment first, as acid suppressant drugs are not what you need and are very difficult to stop once you’re on them. It takes an age to wean you off them and they won’t have fixed the underlying cause.
    I will now tell you about a girl who sings with me. She had a continuous and debilitating cough with asthma that kept her awake at night and gave her only half a singing voice. She kept on getting one virus after another, too. She’d had every test under the sun carried out by doctors, but they couldn’t diagnose her problem. So it was one lot of antibiotics after another, plus continuous asthma treatment. Then I told her that her problem was laryngeal reflux and she needed to take a teaspoonful of Manuka honey (UMF 10+) before each meal for a month, then gradually reduce it to a lower maintenance dose (UMF 5+).
    Well, a miracle happened. She hasn’t had one disturbed night or any of the other problems since starting on the Manuka. It’s not a cheap treatment, and it must be UMF manuka (not EPA or MGO) for it to work. Ultimately, I’m sure it works out less expensive than all the medical bills you must have to pay for in the US.
    Just a suggestion. It won’t cure everything, but it won’t harm you either (unless you’re a diabetic, too, but I believe that even diabetics can have manuka honey in moderation, although you would have to check that with your doctor, just in case I’m wrong).
    Love and hugs, Sarah xxxx

    1. I do have the laryneal reflux. Also called throat burn reflux. Dr. Aviv explains it in his book. Only he’s promoting his diet. My doctor says the medication I’m taking is only for 6 months. Because of all my lung issues he wants to rule everything out. For now I am watching my diet to see what triggers the cough. I’m going to look into the honey. If that will help and I can eat the things I like I will be a happy camper. Dr. Aviv diet prohibits everything good. Thanks Sarah.

  10. Sending you my healing thoughts Kim, and feel your way back slowly.. Congrats upon your new Grandson on the way and sounds like your needles have been busy clicking.. ( I started a cardigan for our granddaughter too it gets addictive lol )
    I hope everything goes well for you Kim, Good to catch this post from you
    Love and Healing Hugs your way xxx Sue xx

  11. Big, big hugs, Kim. Take care of yourself and know I”m sending healing vibes to you. You have been through so much, I wish only the best for you. ❤

  12. Dad is coming up on 93 and will get his second yearly reclast shot next month. No side effects for him, A self remedy for bones is 1200 mg calcium with D each day. Dad used to take GENERIC NAME: alendronate
    BRAND NAME: Fosamax, Binosto pill once a week instead with no side effects either. Perhaps ask doctor. But he prefers shot over fiddling around with pills. Yes, for you posting today is a sign of crawling out of depression. I also keep up attempts at little things every day as suffered depression all my life. I am very very grateful. Last week my third 6 months check up and I am still cancer free after treatments.

    1. Hi Carl, I take calcium 1200 mg Nature made and 1000mg of D also nature made. Glad your father didn’t have the reaction it was no joke.

      Yes I’ve suffered with depression my wholeg life too. This bout was bad for me, I guess it’s my health stressing me that’s made it so bad. I won’t take any drugs for it.

      Great news on 6 months cancer free. The following up check ups are good they find the cancer early. That’s my issue it’s small but I still think they should take care of it while it’s early. Stay well.

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