I deleted the first part of this post. I am working on a summary of my opinion. I did, however leave an update on my health.
My intention today was to read your blogs and try to sooth my mind. I was having a moment and I shared it on one of my closed lupus closed groups. I will share a bit of it here.
I am drained and words can’t explain. A mass was found on my left lung, one doctor doesn’t want to do surgery. He wants to wait for it to grow. My lungs are so damaged and I’ve been fighting the Lupus and my lungs since the last surgery exactly 11 months and 27 days ago.
My oncologist sent me for a PET scan, did blood work and consulted someone to do a biopsy. But the mass is too small to biopsy. My oncologist consulted with my pulmonologist and they suggest I go for a second opinion with another doctor that took 2 hours to get to and 2 hours to get home from. It’s not that far it’s just that I have to transfer from one disability bus to another. The wait in between is an hour and I give the extra time in case one or the other bus is late. I did this yesterday and had an hour and 30 minute wait for the doctor. My friend went with me and paid for us to take a taxi home. Yet I was exhausted. I like the doctor very much. He is confident and his confidence spilled over onto me. He says he can remove the mass and again I shouldn’t need any further treatment. However he informed me that there’s something going on in the lower right lungs but it looks like it’s getting smaller. He says that the last surgery was in the upper right lung. I thought it was in the lower. But now there is something else to watch.
He said he can do the surgery any time. I have medication I have to stop and get out of my system so he said two weeks. I look at my calendar and tell him after the 8th I have to vote. He says of course we can’t have a pumpkin for president.
Now I have to make this trip for pre-surgery testing, then to go for admission then discharge. I am already having financial difficulties so taking taxis to and from is beyond my budget. My sister will come and take me on the day of my surgery and if I ask my brother he will help but I don’t want to burden anyone especially since I can’t provide financial assistance. Yesterday I was so up beat now I feel like the weight of the world is on me. My friend I live with can’t understand how exhausting, how much it drains me to travel. So she yells and dismisses how I feel and tells me it’s not hard. She said just call the guy we use as a car service. Again it’s a financial issue, I don’t like when someone pays for me, I’m not use to it. I always gave and I was the one that took care of others now I can’t even take care of myself.
If I was crying because I was scared my friend would comfort me. I’m not scared, I’m a woman who has always taken care of myself, paid my own way now I can’t and I can’t figure out a solution. I just wanted to spill out my emotions. I know it will somehow work out. Just a down day.