Wear That Pin So I  Know You Support Me

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I spend a lot of time at home, alone watching TV, reading FB, twitter and WordPress. Occasionally I go to the store in my predominantly black and Latino neighborhood. It’s amazing no one bothers me, I hardly see any fightings unless I happen to go out when school let’s out.  I’m not afraid of the kids but they can get rowdy. So I avoid 2:30 to 4pm store runs. I don’t drive anymore, if I don’t take Access-A-Ride I take the city bus the five blocks to and from the store. The kids on the bus  can be loud and it gets crowded making it difficult for me to maneuver. I am not afraid to walk in my black community. Kids are being kids like I was only they get distracted with their phones, then they quiet down.

I use to live on the south side of Jamaica, Queens. Not too far from where Sean Bell was murdered. There were shootings nightly and gang fights in that hood. I had a bullet shot into the aluminum siding where I laid my head at night. Yet I wasn’t scared to walk through my neighborhood.

I  lived in a housing project for a few years. The buildings I lived in were peaceful, but the buildings across from ours was called Beirut.  I didn’t go there and I didn’t allow my kids over there.

The rule is if you don’t know the ghetto stay out of it.

Today I went to see my cardiologist to get cleared for my surgery on November 21st. I use to see an excellent black doctor in the ghetto. I really liked him but it was a two-hour wait before I got to see him for a 15 minute visit.

When I was first diagnosed with lupus I didn’t have insurance and I used the city hospital.  Another excessive wait for a five-minute visit. When my medicare kicked in I considered going back to my black doctor. My friend suggested I see her Pulmonologist.  My appointment was 10 am at 10 am I was sitting on the table and he was listening to my lungs. The office was 85% white.

Access-a-ride takes 15 minutes to get there. Every doctor in that community they call Lake Success sees their patients sometime a few minutes early. There are some occasions when they have emergencies and they are delayed to see you. It doesn’t happen much.

Today was my first time going out to Lake Success after the election. There were a rainbow of people in the office. The staff are all kind as they always were. However I was curious about the white patients waiting. I wondered did he vote for Trump or did she. I looked these people in the eye, nodded my head and smiled. One old man and his wife sat head to head whispering. One lady got  close to the TV so she could listen to Barack Obama speak about his last foreign trips as commander and chief. There was a white man overly nice to me. Most smiled and were polite. I was nervous and thought if they wore the safety-pin I would know who was with her. New Yorkers voted 80% for Clinton. There’s still the 20% that voted Trump and I’m scared of them. But how can I recognize who is racist. Yea I know, I couldn’t tell who was racist before the election.  But then I believed the numbers were low and it didn’t matter.  Now I  there are enough racist to elect a president who won with a theme of hate and division. That’s my fear.

I’ve read that some black people think wearing the  pin is bull shit. That this election revealed white people as being predominately  racist. I refuse to accept that. They say white folks want to wear the pin to make them feel better. Unlike most black people I believe we can come together as a united front. I believe most white people are disgusted by the election results.

This old, disabled, weak, sorta gay black woman wants to see the pin. I want to know you have my back if a 6 foot 3 inch white supremacist starts to attack me you will pull him off me? Or if you saw me hiding behind your car will you open the door and drive me away? What if I was trying to run from a gang of kkk’s would you jump in despite being out numbered? What I’m asking will you die for me, beside me?

Or does your support means you’ll call 911 so there will be some more ass kicking. Or maybe that support means you’re going protest this election and get out and fight to get more democrats elected to the house and Senate.

I tell you I’m happy to have your support. Will you at least get me to the hospital when they finish stomping on me?

Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria  11/14/16


Thanks for visiting come back tomorrow and read my new post  Who You Blaming? It’s Someone’s fault

10 thoughts on “Wear That Pin So I  Know You Support Me

  1. Whatever I might have with which to protect you or to even support you is far away across the ocean, where sadly we too have (far too much) racism and sexism of our own, some of which I have encountered in day to day life. The disease which afflicts some folk and expresses itself through these odious “isms” also fuels many other kinds of sickness: bigotry, bullying, sneering, belittling, contempt. I could go on. I have sought to combat them since childhood to the best of my ability. Within my own sphere of influence and control while in employment I unfailingly interviewed and hired, managed and supervised staff, I believe, always operating on the basis of ability and attitude (especially as it was a social care organisation) and not gender, “race” or sexual orientation. Of course I have never been completely free of vestiges of the same disease; perhaps inevitable when being born and schooled (however mislabelled as “educated”) into this sickly social environment. We who strive to awaken and to remain so do what we can without misstepping into reiterating the disease with our own displeasure. Having read quite a lot of your writing I think you will probably understand what I am saying and why.

    1. It is senseless behavior. There is no rhyme or reason. I understand how circumstances can make us feel and think contrary to what we know is right. It’s easy to get caught up and forget we are part of the same race, the human one. We can only hope for a brighter future.

  2. It must be so awful to have to live this. We will be spending the weekend in Nottingham with my daughter, Louisa, her husband, Errol, and their children, Jessica and Imogen. I mention this because of your Jamaica time. Errol was born here. His lovely parents are Jamaican.

  3. i agree
    if you arent of the ghetto
    stay the fuck out!
    me i m from a vanishing middle class
    neighborhood called sugar house
    as to the pin
    when i recently went to a movie
    century offered me one with my ticket
    i found it offensive
    as it reminded me of some damn
    politician in a monkey suit
    im a jeans and tshirt person
    best luck
    with your surgery!
    much love!

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