Resist Comforming

Good morning, it might not be morning where you are, it might not be morning when you read this. Actually it might not even be morning when I finish writing and press post. But either way I wanted to greet you.

After my surgery I learned my lungs are deteriorating even more, I had two bouts with lung cancer, I have COPD, pulmonary hypertension, Emphysema and now a new diagnosis of idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. I was taking a pill that was helping for one thing and at the same time causing damage to my lungs.

They are running these commercials showing people all the horrible things that can result from smoking. Consider this my commercial. I was born in 1960 in a household where everyone smoked. The following story isn’t a lie my grandmother wanted to teach me a lesson.

You know how children mimics adults? I would take the butts out the ashtrays and pretend to smoke. This one day my grandmother cleared off the dining room table and put an ashtray and a Chesterfield regular  (a strong filter less cigarette) in front of me. I was supposed to choke, cough, get sick or something.  Instead I took that cigarette and sucked smoke in and blew it out my mouth and nose. Grand was angry and my brother who was a teenager was laughing his head off. Funny that’s my earliest memory. After that, when I was 8 years old I started stealing cigarettes and smoking in the bathroom.  I’m paying for all my smoking today.

I don’t need oxygen when I’m sitting but my saturation level drops when I walk so I use the O2 when I go out. I cough all the time, my chest always feels tight. You know how people tell you when something is easy it’s like breathing. For me I am aware of every breath I take. If you smoke let it go the rewards are not worth it. I smoked 40 years when I stopped in 2008.

I got off track, that’s not what I planned to write about. I guess that’s what the universe felt I should share. Originally I was going to share that my recovery from the surgery was difficult but the recovery from the election was harder. I’m following almost every news story hoping for the results to be thrown out, for 45 to be impeached and now they are suggesting the election can be nullify.  In any incident this election has made me mad (insane).

I need to get back to meditating  I finally did this morning. Below is the mantra I used and will use until I heal from this election. I am not concerned about me, my clock is running out of time. I worry about the future for my kids. I have a new grandson, if February had 30 days he would be two months in a few days. What kind of life will he have  with and/or after this administration.

 

Open my Chakras to
tranquility and serenity
Resist stress and fear
Do not conform
Accept what can not be changed
Resist the hate and the liars
Open my Chakras
to Love and peace
Release my inner glow
To light my circumference
To help guide those
Who are also lost and wandering
In the winds of negativity

(C) Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria  2/25/17

 

I don’t know what I’ll be blogging about for now I guess I’ll just share my thoughts and feelings.

Thanks for helping with the cover.

21 thoughts on “Resist Comforming

  1. Express whatever you wish. This is your place to praise, poke and prod.
    Blessings to you and your family on the new little one.
    Mine will be 7 and 4 too soon. And they most likely will be the only ones.

    We can only hope for better for ourselves and all we love.
    My MIL had issues with smoking too. Towards the end used oxygen all the time. Use what you need. She tried to use less thinking she was saving on costs. It doesn’t work that way. Use the recommended settings the Docs tell you to use. And know that she made it into her 90’s. Even after being a full time smoker, quitting smoking, having parts removed because of cancer… One day a time! Hugs.

    1. I have a 15, 14 and 13 year olds. I thought that was it. My daughter 36 found herself pregnant and gave me my 4th grandchild. Thank you for your blessings.

      I monitor my oxygen saturation if I am below 92 I use the oxygen. When I walk my saturation will drop sometimes into the upper 70’s so I use the O2 when ambulatory. I had a wedge cut out both my lungs. I asked the doc if they will keep cutting my lungs and if necessary they will. I know my last days will result in continuing use of oxygen. It would be wonderful to live to 90. Even 70 for that matter. My mother didn’t see 65 she had lupus and it attacked her heart. Hugs to you.

  2. I’m born in 1961, in a home where no-one smoked, actually i don’t remember any family friends doing it either… the only occasion people smoked was when we had parties at home. I remember that my mother bought cigarettes because as a hostess she should provide guests with smoke… anyway I grew up, and never started though some of my class-mates did… I tasted it and never liked it. Hearing about your struggles I feel blessed… I find it hard to understand how the current administration could be elected, there must be something very wrong when this happens around the world.

    1. Yes you are fortunate not to have got sucked into the nasty habit of smoking. I don’t understand how we ended up with this new government. It is very stressful not knowing what the future will hold. Our children will suffer for sure.

  3. I understand your childhood. Mine was filled with smokers also and I started when I was 8. I quit in 2007 and am so glad I did. My breathing has been affected as well. It’s just not worth it. Breathing is taken for granted until you have to struggle for each one. Then it’s too late.

    The results of the past election has troubled and angered me also. The only one in my lifetime that has to this extent. The man is putting the USA back decades.
    The people can get him out if we raise our voices loud and often enough. BUT…..you need to take care of you at the same time. Meditation is good, I use it myself. Stay calm, stay focused and I hope things go a bit smoother for you.

    1. It always amazes me when we share the same life experiences. 45 and his cronies in the white house is like watching a train wreck with the blood and gore. You don’t want to see but you can’t help put look.

  4. Kim I think back in those days it was more normal for kids to smoke young.. my hubby started when he was 13, but he kicked the habit aged 40 … I know of people who had lung cancer who never smoked an actual cigarette but inhaled second hand smoke.. Who worked in working men clubs as musicians..
    Sending my heartfelt healing thoughts Kim.. I am pleased the surgery went well, and I send out prayers that your breathing becomes easier..

    Loved the poem.. I hope you manage to de stress and find some Love and Peacefulness..
    Hugs your way.. and its evening here LOL.. 6pm 🙂 Hugs xxx

        1. I see few but I don’t get out much. A lot of kids smoke those vapors. My grandkids won’t smoke because of me. They know my lungs and my fatigue is directed from my smoking. One of my grandsons asked me five years ago why did I have to smoke. So that’s one good thing that came out of it. Two of my kids still smoke though.

          1. yes lots of vapours here too.. And they have not really been studied long enough to see the long term brain effects or lung effects these Vapours can have on future health..

            You know it makes me smile at times Kim.. How the world complains about pollution in the air and yet some choose to pollute their lungs with chemicals like this.. Sad… I am thankful that you grandchildren took on board what it can means to smoke.. xxx

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